


Finding a future

by BlankA4



Category: RWBY
Genre: Ethical Dilemmas, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Multi, Not Beta Read, Past Blake Belladonna/Adam Taurus, Pre-Season/Series 01, Self-Esteem Issues, Short Chapters, Suppressed aura, White Fang, argh how do i tag, badass goodwitch, fanuse rights, main focus on Blake, no one likes james
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:54:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26646355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlankA4/pseuds/BlankA4
Summary: Finding a future in a world that is falling apart is hard enough by yourself, and when the fate of others rests in your hands?Adam is delighted that he's going to be a father. For the first time he can see a brighter world, one where the faunce take their rightful place in society and he can have a home- a family.Blake is not so sure, how could she bring anyone else into this fight?
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Adam Taurus
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	1. The Child

**Author's Note:**

> I have 13 chapters written and plan to post one per day while I'm self isolating cause covid. Its a bit of a mess but its my mess. Chapters will range from 300 words to 1000+ as what is consistency.

She couldn’t, she just couldn’t; as much as she wanted to she could’t. Her heart was breaking as she swallowed the pills. Grabbing Gambol Shroud she slipped out of the tent and into the night, ignoring the silent tears that fell.

Adam had been so happy, happier then she had ever seen him. For days after he had struggled to hide the smile, at times a dreamy “I’m going to be a father.” slipped past his lips. He had always been so driven with iron conviction, a will that bowed to no-one and nothing and that was still there but a softer motivation now drove him. He charged into battle shouting ‘for the faunus’ and killed with a softer whisper of ‘for my son’. Blake shivered at the memory. 

At night when Adam held her close, hands protectively resting on the beginning of her baby bump he would tell her of the future he pictured for them. She had never heard him dream of a future before- not a bright one. They fought together, wading through blood the other had spilt, all in the name of the faunus and the future but not their future. No. Never their future. But now Adam talked of how his son would have all he never had, how their boy wouldn’t need to have his aura unlocked to be safe, wouldn’t know hunger or the cold, and would never, ever face what they did… are. He painted them as a happy family, and told her of how their child would have her amber eyes and his hair, how in the summer they could have picnics and go to the beach, her with a book and him teaching their son to swim in the sea. In the winter they could go sledding and stay up late to welcome the new year. 

Blake wanted to believe Adam so badly that it hurt. But try as she might she couldn’t see it. That world was out of reach. She couldn’t bring another innocent into the fight. It wasn't safe. The memory of growing up and searching for a safe place, a safe future, any future that offered a thread of optimism. And the pain of finding nothing but an empty feeling of dread; the steady increase of grimn each year, the breaking of the moon, the continuous segregation, the waning of their rights, the empty promises left broken in the gutter. She had found hope in Adams convictions, his certainty that they could make a difference, but it was too soon. She did not want others to find hope in the blood she had spilt. No, they had yet to make a difference. The world was still unsafe, the future unsure.

She had tried to voice her concern to Adam…

“Adam, it’s not safe for a child.”

“I’ll protect them, like I protect you.” he said.

“Adam, a child needs stability.”

“You know I would never leave you.” he said.

“Adam, the White Fang is no place for a child to grow up in.”

“I did.”

And Blake loved him, all his jagged edges and scars but she did not want to inflict the same onto a child… her child. It was wrong how Adam had had to grow up in a war zone, and she loved that he had been strong enough to survive; but children shouldn’t have to be strong to survive. Children should be wanted and loved, they deserve a world that isn’t ruled by fear; a world where the future isn’t looked upon with distrust and horror as it creeps ever closer. So she left.

The pills left a bitter taste in her mouth, and the cramps that came later left her shaking on the floor. She felt sick to the core and her heart was breaking but it was the right choice. A dark voice from inside whispered that she was just running from the problem? No, not a problem. A potential child, a baby… her baby. But the world wasn’t safe. The future unsure, so she wept for her unborn child. Bitter tears that she hadn’t fought harder to make the world a better place where they could grow up safe and loved. Her hands were already covered in blood but she would dirty her soul if it meant a clean world for the future generation. Today's world is no place for children (were you not long a child yourself?) but tomorrow could be. So Blake buried the remains in the woods under an unmarked willow tree. Just another broken dream.


	2. Adam

Somewhere in the Forever Fall forest was a White Fang camp. Adam awoke to a cold bed and his heart dropped. Blake was gone. A quick search of the camp and an integration of the faunce on watch lead to a cold heart and boiling blood. She was gone, so was his child. Where and why he could not fathom.

Perhaps she would come back? Maybe he was overreacting and any minute now she would stroll back into the camp, cheeks red from the chill in the mornings air and Gambol Shroud dusty from grimn. Any minute now, any hour... any day.

On the third day he ordered a search of the surrounding forest. Under an unmarked tree he found an unmarked grave. 

Had she lost the baby, then why not tell him? Had she got rid of it? He shivered at the thought, no not his child. When Blake had asked him if he could protect their child he didn't think he would be protecting them from her… and he had failed. The turned up grass was proof of that. Adam turned his back on the grave before any tears could fall instead letting his anger bubble and brew, turning up his blood until it froffed with rage. _Just wait Blake_ he thought, _I’ll prove you wrong. That you’ve murdered my child for nothing! And that our child could have lived in a world of our creation, one where they would be safe. I’ll carve the way and you can follow in my bloody footprints for all I care, you coward._

__

____

__

\---------

__

____

__

Blake had walked as far as she could, for as long as she could before taking shelter in the branches of a large tree. She knew Adam wouldn’t forgive her and a part of her hoped he didn’t. The tree did little to block out the wind, and even less to protect her from the rain. Something felt wrong inside her, even as she shivered in the cold a hot flush set her head spinning. But it had been the right thing to do; what other options were there? Sighing, she wrapped Gambol Shroud’s ribbon around herself and the tree and tried to ignore the roars of distant grimn.

__

____

__

The morning light woke her, falling in golden streams between the leaves. Blake untangled herself from the tree and tumbled to the ground. Hitting the floor she rolled to soften the impact, ignoring the twing of pain from her foot. The faunus who had given her the pills had warned that they suppress aura, but Blake hadn’t expected the effects to last so long. Still she hobbled on, what else was there to do?

__

____

__

It was only once a few days had past that Blake realised how quiet it was. Not actual noise for the birds sang and the grimn roared but emotional noise? The white fang camp had been full of high running tempers, and people quick to snap and snarl. Their emotions bled into each other, their anger was contagious jumping from host to host. If Adam was angry or frustrated you felt it, if he was tired or stressed you knew by the way others walked. A hive mind of emotions. Out in the woods it was just her, Blakes own heart beating at its own pace. At times she would find silent tears falling and touch a hand to her face, letting herself let out a shaky breath. Here in the woods there was no reason to hide her sorrow, her despair that the world was falling apart. Here she could just be. So Blake wondered on, without hiding the fear. There was no Adam for who she had to remain hopeful for, who she had to support and encourage, no reason to hide the doubt that their fight was all for nothing.

__

____

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, next chapter out tomorrow (Tuesday) and 8 days left of self isolation for me :D


	3. Glynda Goodwitch

Glynda Goodwitch was taking a much needed break from teaching and clearing the Forever Fall of the larger Grimn so as to let the first years safely(ish) train in the forest. Her latest opponent was a pack of beowolves that she had been tracking and methodically thinning. More importantly (or at least more interesting) was where the wolves were leading her. Bending down she traced the set of footprints left in the morning’s dew. Deep imprints on the left while the right left a trail of broken grass stems with only the occasional clear print. Who was mad enough to be wondering alone in this part of the forest? And injured or atleast limping at that.

\-------------------

Adam knelt down in the grass, studying the imprints in the mud. He had long left the White Fang camp behind in favour of hunting down Blake. He needed answers damn it! His fingers came up bloody from where he traced her footprints. This didn’t make sense. Nothing in this woods possessed a danger to him, so how had she got hurt? Quickening his pace Adam hurried on, doubt and worry nestling into his chest.

\--------------------

The Beowolves followed stacking their prey, weary to get too close but eyes hungry with anticipation, already feeding off the waves of fear and pain rolling off the injured girl. They formed a loose circle around her while weaving between the shadows, low growls rumbling in their throats. Soon, so soon, they could feel the breaking point coming.

\--------------------

Blake could feel eyes on her back, saw how the shadows moved and knew she was in trouble. Her ankle throbs and had swollen to the point that she had been forced to cut her boot to relieve the pressure. Stupid to have slipped with the knife and now a long laceration oozed blood. What she would give to have her aura back! The ground seemed to roll beneath her as she fought to suppress a shiver. Feeling in her pocket she closed her fist against a dark orange dust crystal and summoned her strength. It felt like an age past before the familiar tingle of her semblance danced over her skin, focusing on the dust she solidified her shadow and fell back from it to sprawl in the grass. Her vision narrows but she forces herself to crawl to the nearest tree, propping her back against it and drawing Gambol Shroud in rifle form. Trap laided, she waits...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, next chapter out tomorrow and that's where this story really gets rolling!  
> 7 days of self isolation left for me:D


	4. The Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:  
> minor swearing and violence

Bang! 

Adam takes off at a sprint, pushing his aura into each stride. He would recognise that gun shot anywhere. The forest goes past in a blur but all he can see is the distance shape of beowolves descending on a lone figure stood in the middle of a glade. Unsheathing wilt he sends forward a vicious sweeping blow sending out a crimson circle of energy. Once in range he is a whirl of rage, his sword leaving a trail of bodies. He kicks one grimm that gets too close and turns to find the one at his back falling to Blake’s shoots. The dance is a familiar one, where for each slash and stab a shot echos his movements, protecting his blind side. Too soon the beowolves are dispatched and all that is left ash and a smirk on his face.

His gaze falls on Blake, resting against a tree with Gambol Shroud balanced on one knee. He takes in the sickly shade of her skin, and the bloody mess that is her lower leg.

“Fancy meeting you here darling.” he says, and oh how he missed her. It's hard to restrain himself from rushing to her side but he does, not quite ready to put his anger to rest.

“Hello, Adam.” Her reply is hesitant, her eyes don’t meet his. All at once he feels his heart breaking, what happened to them? How did they end up like this? 

“What happened Blake? We were happy, I was happy. Why did you take that from me? I thought we were going to be a family.” 

“I… I’m s-...I’m sorry-” 

“Come here, tell me what happened. It’s going to be okay.” He eases down next to her, finding her hand and interlacing their fingers, “Your burning up! Blake what happened!”

“The- the pills, suppressed aura… I- I couldn’t- I’m sorry.”

“Pills? You meant for this to happen! Why the fuck- What the fuck were you thinking,” he’s rasing his voice and knows he shouldn’t but god dammit he has a right to be angry, no he’s fucking furious, “Did you even think about me? How could you be so selfish! Why didn’t you talk to me?”

Blake’s ears are flatted as she admits “I tried… Adam you-... You’re holding my hand too tight.” 

“You tried? You tried! That's not how this fucking works! You can’t just try. Were you ever going to tell me or did you plan to just avoid me forever? Why even try if you too much of a COWARD TO FUCKING FOLLOW THROUGH? Huh? We were going to be a f- family,” pain grips his heart as he remembers the unmarked grave, his baby boy, he didn’t deserve this. And she had the nerve to take that from him. Beneath his grip a sickening crunch comes from Blake’s hand. Adam drops it and starts pacing, ignoring the gasp of pain. She deserves to feel the pain- not that it could ever compare to what he is feeling.

“I’m… I’m sorry Adam, don’t you think it hurt me too?”

“Your sorry are you. ARE YOU!? THEN WHY DID YOU FUCKING DO IT. I always knew you were a coward but this is just..” he’s lost for words, the pain of his loss overwhelming, it feels as if there's a pressure building in him and it needs to get out. He strides up to her, not caring that he knocks into her injured leg as he grabs her shirt and pulls her up to face him.

Blake's vision swims and she blinks her way back to the presence, where the bark of the tree digs into her back and the only thing holding her up is Adam. Adam… the pain is evident in his eyes and she is so sorry she hurt him… but her leg hurts and she just wants to sit down and sleep. Please, she thinks, just let me rest. 

“Really I’m sorry I hurt you,”she says, gently prises his fingers off one by one. 

“Hurt me! You think I care about me! What the fuck Blake. Are you so selfish and self centered that you project it onto me? How on earth could I care about being hurt when you- you… It wasn’t YOUR CHOICE TO MAKE. How- I don’t understand!” he shouts, how did he ever love this monster?

Blake hardly recognises the man in front of her, his anger twisting his face, grief filling his eyes. Still she never meant to hurt anyone.  
“Adam, I thought it was for the best. You know the work we do better than anyone.” 

“For the… best?” he asks his words slow, as his world is falling apart. It doesn’t feel real. How could that be for the best?

She nods, hope in her eyes that he understands, “Yes, for the best. This world isn’t ready yet. I can’t bring another innocent into our fight. We’ve spilt enough blood already. I don’t want our child's blood on my hands as well.”

“It already is.” Adams eyes snap back into focus. The pressure from before is back building begging to be released. Begging and begging to be used. There's a rushing in his ears. The look of hope on her face is infuriating. He pulls his hand back to strike her and wipe that stupid look off her face. The seconds seem to slow and he relishes the widening of her eyes, the feeling of his aura pouring strength into his arm. Just as he makes contact a blinding purple light flings him backward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
> 
> thanks for reading if anyone is reading? If not hi future me, look and cringe! 6 days left of self isolation and i've had the most terrible headache so almost forgot to post this- whoops.


	5. Out of the forest

The beowolve pack that Glynda had been tracking were efficiently being turned to ash by two unknown people in white fang uniforms. Glynda hung back, watching how the white fang members made short work of the grimn clearly well practiced with each other's fighting styles. She had been content to skirt around them but that was before their argument started. Noticing the flatten ears, the scared eyes and the nervous look; she could feel the righteous ager rolling off the other. It reminded her of one of her students, come to think of it they couldn’t be much older than her student. Really just children then. Damn it she was going soft in her old age. 

The words “suppressed aura” drifted to her on the wind as she crept closer. Now that could be a useful bit of intel, of course the Atlas scientists were always talking of it but only in theory, if someone had executed it somehow… the possibilities were endless. Looking closer she could see the tell tail signs of aura depletion in the girls face… perhaps then- 

Sudden movement brought her out of her thoughts; the man had pulled the girl up against the tree and even from a distance she could clearly see the blood drain from her face. The anger on his face worried her, almost animalistic. Staking forward, Glynda flicked her crop, channeling her semblance knocking the man back but not before he left an angry hand print on the girl's face. The girl crumpled to the floor where she lay dazed, blinking up in confusion.

Thinking quickly Glyda asked, “Will you tell me about aura suppressants if I get you medical treatment?” 

A murmur of something that resembled a ‘yes’ was all Glynda needed for her to get out her scroll, “Ozpin, I found us something. Need a medic ship though… no I’m fine it’s for a source. Is there no one else in the area… okay yes he will do then.” With a sigh she put her scroll away and waited for the airship to arrive.

\---------

Glynda watched as the girl was loaded up into a stretcher. When soldiers went for the man- who was she kidding boy- she stopped them.  
“It might be a crime in Atlas, but here it is just a uniform; leave him be.” she said.

“Ah Glynda, already causing problems for my men I see.” General Ironwood said walking down the ramp of the airship. He was wearing his normal white suit but there were new streaks of grey in his hair and wrinkles of worry etched onto his face. 

“Let's get out of this forest, and let me have a coffee and shower before I have to talk to you.” Glynda said with a tired sigh. She couldn’t put her finger on it but there was always something off about the General, perhaps it was his causal air despite the power he held.

“A pleasure to see you again as well. Okay men, you heard her, let's get this ship off the ground.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading:D  
> I know this chapter is a bit short and slow, it picks up in the next one. But needed a way to leave Adam behind (at least for now) and introduce the general.
> 
> 5 days left of self isolation for me!!! and my motivation is crashing on all things work related.


	6. The Creature

Ozpin had said that Glynda had information on aura suppressants but the General had been surprised to find that he meant a live source. Come to think of it why not go interview it now, there really was no need to wait for Glynda to finish, god knows she took half a day just to drink a cup of coffee. Walking down to the medical bay soldiers jump out of their way to salute him. He let himself in and looked around expectedly until one of the doctors stepped forward.

“What have we got?”

“Well, General sir, they have an unlocked aura but something in their systems suppressing it, were working on analyzing its blood but I would expect we need to send a sample back to really get an idea of what caused the suppression. Other than that they have a broken ankle, a large laceration, various broken bones in one hand, general bruising and a fever that we suspect is a side effect of the aura suppression.” 

The General raised an eyebrow at that, “How do you know the fevers linked?”

“It's only speculation but the normal causes of fever would also cause an elevation of white blood cells, since that’s not the case…” the doctor shrugged.

“Is it awake?” he asked.

“Yes but-”

A stern look silenced any objection and the doctor simply indicated to a side room, before bustling off to complete their rounds. The General let himself into the side room, drawing the blinds as he went. The room was the standard Atlas medical bay with metal bed rails, crisp white sheets and icy blue walls. It reminded the General of his own time spent inside a ward, even the machines sounded the same with their constant hum and beeps. Leaning against the bedrail he let out a sigh, just another animal causing him problems.

\---------

Everything smelled wrong, gone was the forest replaced with the harsh scent of disinfectant. Cracking open her eyes Blake took in the surround room; walls the colour of ice with windows looking onto a busy ward of some sorts. Beeping filled her ears and seemed to press in on her, drowning out any cohesive thought before they could surface. Carefully Blake drew in tiny gasps of air, wincing at the taste but striding to remain calm. The creek of the door startled her, and she strained to hear what was beyond the door. Sounds all blurred together, filled with confusing static and hum of machines out of sight.

A man stepped forward into view. The Man. Blake tries to sit up but a wave of dizziness sends her slumping back to the pillows. She rises to her elbows, eyes shut tight against the rolling waves of heat and pain that coursed through her as she pushes herself back against the headboard. Her ankle feels heavy and protests at the movement but finally she is sitting up, panting from the effort. Glancing at the Man sends a shiver through her spine- its him. Adam warned her of the General from the ice land, the one who could crush their little movement if he so wished. The metal above his right brow glints and tells of the battles he survived;the faunus he killed to pave his way to today. 

“So… tell me what do you know of aura suppressants?” his voice is gentle and drips in false tenderness.

“What…? I- I… er” try as she might Blake’s brain refuses to catch up. The buzzing grows louder, painfully filling her every thought. Where’s the door?

“We both know you have an unlocked aura. So how did you do it?” The smile is still there but his words are edged in iron.

Door. Where's the damn door? She knows she heard one. There! Far corner of the room. Her heart is quickening as she tenses, a vague plan drifting into her mind through the fog of noises.

“It’s in… in the notes.” she nods slightly to the other side of the room, praying that he takes the bait, waiting with her heart in her throat. A puzzled look crosses his face and for a tense second Blake knows he knows she lied but still he turns away. Not wasting a moment Blake draws on her semblance, seconds painfully slipping away as she waits for her shadow clone to take hold. It leaves her feeling light headed and she sways on her feet but she slips out the door, wincing as it bangs shut behind her. Shit. Resting heavily against the wall she stumbles down the corridor. Just got to.. Just got to… got to? Her foot hurts with each step, pain radiates up her wrist and all she can think of is the phase a soft voice once murmured in her ear. ‘Baby steps dear.’ So she takes step after step, one hand on the wall, one on her stomach as the words baby steps tears a hole in her heart… baby. Her baby will never take any steps.

\-------

The General flipped through the doctor's notes, only half reading the words. Turning back to the bed he decided on a different approach. 

“We both know there's nothing in the notes so why don’t you tell me-” The sound of the door slamming shut and he looks up puzzled. As if made of glass the girl shattered, leaving nothing but an empty bed. James blinked in surprise before striding out the door, pistol in hand. She hadn’t got far. 

“Stop, there's nowhere to go.” James calls, watching as the creature stumbled down the hallway, leaning heavily against the wall. It shows no sign of obeying, simply carrying on. 

“I said, STOP!” With a steady arm he drew his pistol and fired a warning shoot. At that the creatures turned, their head hung low and seemed to freeze in place. Ironwood strode forward, determined to be done with this silly business. If he was good enough to let a bloody faunce onto his ship then it could do good by him and stay where it was meant to! When the creature made no move he reached out a gloved hand, drawing back sharply as the animal’s image dissolved as if made of smoke, revealing the creature disappearing around the corner.

Clicking ice dust into the pistol chamber he followed, cautiously. Black shadows dripped of the creature, humanoid in form but frozen in place, each one disappearing with a touch.

“I won’t ask again. Halt.” Seeing no sign that he had been heard he fired at the creature, only for a shadow to catch his bullet, solidifying into an ice sculpcher. Without looking he pulls out his scroll.

“Glynda get down here now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :D  
> I tried to refer to Blake as an it/animal/creature to try and show the Generals view on Faunces. Did it work or just confusing?
> 
> 4 days left of self isolation and I have done nothing but read fanfic today. At some point I need to catch up on uni work but for now i wallow in a ditch of apathy.


	7. Frozen Shadows

Glynda sighed and put her coffee down, sparring it an apologetic glance before turning to leave. She swept through the hall, wondering what James had gone and done now. She didn’t have long to wonder.

Turning the corner she stopped abruptly, taking in the scene with one glance. The General was at the far end of the hallway, pistol drawn and looking just a trifle upset. There were strange sculptures (at least half a dozen) each one clearly a result of ice dust and… she wasn’t sure, some sort of semblance perhaps. What was more disturbing was the torn expressions on each, something between, fear, anger and pain that twisted onto each face in an agony of harsh lines. Closes to her was the girl from the woods, face now clean of grime but full of fear.

Amber eyes locked on hers, the girl stuttered a “It-It’s him! Please...please don’t let him, don’t let h-” before pitching forward, eyes rolling back in her head. Glynda used her semblance to catch the girl, before turning on James.

“Care to explain why the girl I left in your care is running from you?” she asked her voice dangerously low.

“Now, that's hardly fair. I know as little as you about the matter. Less even, a head ups would have been nice. Who's going to clean this up?” he said nodding to the sculptures.

“Your men I guess. Now if you excuse us we’ll be commandeering your quarters.” Glynda had seen the state of the barrocs on board the ship and while perfectly suitable for soldiers she was tired and not above being petty to aggravate the General.

“Glynda be reasonable, this is hardly my fault! And I will not tolerate having one of _those_ in my quarters!” he protested.

“You won't tolerate it, will you?” an icy edge slipping into her voice, “Shall I remind you of whose land we are flying over? This is not Altas, and I’ve no doubt you’re already toed the line between necessary medical treatment and research. Shall I remind you of our laws or are you above them? To avoid further problems I think it's best for both of us if you keep your distance.”

Walking away she called over her shoulder “The faster you get me back to Beacon the sooner I’ll be off your ship,” savouring the look of disbelief on the generals face as she passed.

\----------

Blake awoke with a pounding headache. The air smells different, less disinfectant and more… more him! Eyes flying open in a panic, she looks for the exit- got to go. Got to find Adam. Where's the damn door? A figure looms into view.. The woman from the forest? But how.. Where?

“It’s okay, he's gone.” The words feel false (doesn’t everything after a while?) but the cool cloth pressed against her forehead is all the comfort she needs for sleep to pull her under once more.

The next time Blake awakes it is to a growing hunger, but the ache in her bones fills her mind and despite distant voices she finds herself drifting under once more.

There's a hand behind her head, and a glass pressed against her lips, something bitter tasting? The voices are louder this time. Why won't they let her rest. Don’t they know her hand hurts. What happened to it? Something about Adam? Did she fall from a tree? No that was before. It comes back in a rush. The anger. The pain in his eyes- her betrayal. Her betrayal? No his betrayal. But why didn’t he understand? She explained didn’t she. It was the only way, what else was there to do. The questions are too big and the gentle throbbing behind her ears is not so gentle anymore.

The next time Blake is shaken awake it's to the sound of rattling wheels? She's moving and through eyes struggling to open she sees glimpses of blue skies and towering buildings. The trees are green- how far from the crimson forest have they come? Still does it matter? She can’t go back on this. Poor Adam, why was she so selfish? She left him completely alone. Still, it is warmer than their tent in the forest so she lets sleep pull her under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :D
> 
> 3 days left of self isolation, the ends in sight.


	8. Finally talking to each other

Glynda was glad to be back home, her rooms overlooked the main quartyard of the academy and from her sofa she could watch the students. With the summer almost here there were plenty of “study” groups sitting in tight clusters on the lawn- she had already been down there once to issue a reminder that training was strictly to be kept to the assigned training rooms. Her apartment consisted of a small kitchen/dining room which also acted as the hallway with her bedroom, study, bathroom and spare room all splitting off from it. Most of the other professors neglected to live on campus, but she had always thought of it as a part of the job.

The creaking of a door caused her to turn. Standing in the spare room doorway was the nameless girl. Still a sickly pale, but the feverish look and wild eyes were gone, replaced by dark circles.

“Ah you're awake. Come sit down.” Glynda watched carefully as the girl made her way across the room, limping slightly and took the seat furthest from hers. Once seated, Glynda continued, “My name is Glynda Goodwitch, Professor to my students. What's yours?”

“Blake.” came the blunt reply.

Glynda waited, hoping for a second name but when the silence stretched she took it as her que that none would be given.

“Nice to meet you Blake. Now you remember the deal we made in the forest?” a silent nod, “Well we’ve already taken blood samples but they haven't shown up a lot. Can you tell me what you know?” Glynda tried to keep her voice low, it reminded her a lot of that time Qrow had brought his nieces to work. A lot of time had passed since that day.

Blake opened her mouth only to shut it again and shake her head. “I don’t know where to start.” she admitted.

“I find the beginning is normally a good place.”

“I… I took some pills.” Blake said, eyes cast down.

Glynda nodded, “Can you describe them?”

“Small, round SL imprinted on one side, orange. Um I think I still have some.” Blake said, glancing around the room only now wondering where Gambol Shroud was.

Glynda raised an eyebrow at that knowing full well that if she had any pills on her the General would have found them already. Still she would play along.  
“I will need them to pass on to the labs,” she held her hand out “If you would…”

“Where's my weapon?” Blake asked.

Glynda disappeared into her study before returning with the weapon, setting it down on the coffee table between them. Blake picked it up and fumbled with the hilt, hissing through her teeth as she struggled with it. Giving up she returned it to the table.

“If you place your thumb on the circle by the hilt the dust cartridge comes out. It's in there.” Blake said, cradling her injured hand and trying to hide her disgust at her own weakness.

Popping out the empty dust cartridge, Glynda tipped the contents on to her palm. Out fell a small orange tablet, a photo of a beaming couple and a small twig with the word “Willow” carved into the side. Holding the tablet up to the light she asked absentmindedly “Who’s Willow?” while turning the tablet over to study the lettering.

Blake froze momentarily before recovering and whispering a “No one.”

Glynda appeared not to have noticed; instead standing and pulling on her cloak she slipped the pill into her pocket and headed to the door pausing briefly to say, “Can I trust you to stay here? It's safe and there's food in the kitchen.” A nod from Blake was all she needed to be on her way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :D
> 
> 2 more days of self isolation but i'm out of chocolate :(


	9. Intruders

Blake was at a loss of what to do. Tears pricked at the edge of her eyes but she didn’t trust the door not to open at any second so she blinked them back. With care she gathered up the twig and photo, her thumb running loveling over the carved letters. She couldn’t leave a marker at the grave so had brought one with her. The name Willow had come from the tree, calling the baby an ‘it’ felt wrong, that's what the humans called her. Carefully she placed it back into the empty dust cartridge along with the photo. Glancing around the apartment she wondered what to do.

Getting up was painful but without Glynda watching Blake could lean on the back of the sofa and then the wall as she hobbled to the door. Trying the handle it rattled but stayed firmly shut. Locked. So much for trusting her. Moving to the windows she looked out to see a long green lawn with people sitting in hazards groups together and similar looking buildings surrounding the lawn. Where was she? She felt like she should recognise the buildings and the fountain looked vaguely familiar. 

The rumble of her stomach prompted her to move away from the window. The kitchen was a humble affair, not even a separate room but the carpet gave way to wood with matching wooden counters. Opening the fridge she peered inside only to shut it almost immediately. Nope. Too cold. Blake turned her back to the counter, sinking to the ground resting her head on her knees.

How had she even got there? In truth she knew logically every single step that had led to this moment. But it didn’t feel quite real. Nothing had for a while. Putting her hand out in front of her she twisted it this way and that, studying the bandages and testing how far she could turn it before pain was sent spiking from her fingertips. Adam had done this. But it wasn’t his fault. Was it? No she should have been honest with him. Her fault. But she couldn’t go back from this, looking around everything was so different, it spoke of subtle wealth and security. 

Hunger still gawned at her stomach but the idea of food was off putting. It wasn’t hers to take. A wave of nausea swept over her and not for the first time since she woke up did she wish for her aura back. When she had taken the pill she only thought of sparring Willow, of how it was too early and the world wasn’t ready yet; not of how it would dampen her aura nor how long it would take to come back. It was worth it. It had to be.

A knock on the door startled her. (What is it with people always being surprised at others knocking or coming through doors?) A second knock sounded, louder than the first. “It’s locked.” Blake whispered to herself, leaning her head back against the counter and shutting her eyes to the renewed podding headache. Her ears pricked up at the sound of tinny clicks. Was someone picking the lock? Yes, the tiny movements of the handle gave it away. The shadows under the door spoke of at least a handful of intruders waiting to get in.

Struggling to stand, Blake swayed on her feet for a few seconds before stumbling towards the spare room, her vision filling with spots and fuzzing. Her breaths coming in ragged gasps, this was not good. So much for this being a safe place! Just as she shut the door a triumphant yell of “I got it!” and a stamped of feet indicated the intruder's entrance. Stumbling further into the room, Blakes vision wavered and faded as her legs gave up under and she crumpled to the floor like a ragdoll not feeling it when her head collided with the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :D
> 
> This was my last day of isolation!!!! Exactly 49 min until I can leave the house again!!!


	10. A red rug

Glynda didn’t recognise the pill but hoped that Ozpin's friend would have more luck. It was a start, and Ozpin at least seemed to have high hopes of reverse engineering it, even if she was starting to doubt how much Blake actually knew. 

Walking back across campus had turned into a hazardous game of ‘dodge the student’ and she kept getting caught and having to explain that no you can’t get an extension and no I can’t be bribed. All it had taken was one rumour of Oobleck accepting a coffee bean bribe for the rest of the student body to give it a try. To be fair it had been excellent coffee. Still she hadn’t intended to be gone for this long and concern was starting to build. Pulling out her scroll she dialed her home line.

“Hey Professor.”

“Coco I know I asked to meet with your team but that was not an invite into my home.” She really did have to get better home security or educate team CFVY on home etica and in this case the former was definentaly the easier option.

“Well you were more than 15 minutes late and you know the rule.” Coco said and Glynda could just picture the smirk on her face to accompany the words.

“We both know that's a tall tale made up by failing students. And that's beside the point. Is Blake with you?” Glynda asked although her worry was diminishing. Team CFVY might drive her insane with their carefree attitude and lax approach to privacy but at the end of the day they were good students.

“Sorry, who?”

“Blake, she’s helping with an investigation so is staying with me for the time being.” 

“Haven't seen her.” came the reply.

“Can you check around the apartment she should be there somewhere, if not we have a problem.” Glynda asked.

The sound of footsteps and doors opening filled the scroll, along with the call of voices. A sharp intake of breath. “Glynda we already have a problem.” came Coco’s shaky reply.

\--------

The others of team CFVY might be relaxed about privacy but Yatsuhashi felt guilt snooping around Glynda's flat, still he tried a door only to find it jammed when barely a inch open. The room beyond looked dark but he could make out some sort of bed and a red rug. Carefully he pushes on the door, the memory of breaking their dorm room door still fresh in his mind from last week- really Coco shouldn’t have tried to startle him. 

“Hey Yatsuhash, found anything?” called Coco, making her way over to him, “That's the last room to check so hurry up.” With Coco beside him, he pushes the door fully open. 

It’s not a red rug... Coco talking into her scroll but Yatsuhash can’t make out the words, his eyes transfixed on the scene. Stumped over leaning against the door in a tangle of limbs is a girl, a red halo around her head, hair wet with blood. He checks for a pulse and is relieved to find one after a few tense seconds of searching. A gentle hand on his shoulder pulls him away and Velvet is there talking in a hushed whisper as she checks the girls breathing with a disapproving tut and shining her scroll into the girls eyes. It takes Yatsuhash a moment to realise that Velvet is talking to him, looking expectantly at him. 

Shaking his head he asks, “Sorry, what did you say?” 

“I said, we need to get her to the medical bay and quick.” Velvet says while holding a tea towel against the girls head. The towel is slowly turning red along with Velvet's hands.

Understanding dawns on him and he stoops down sliding a hand under her knees and one behind her shoulders. He tries not to think of the bloody marks it will leave on his clothes or how the girl's hair is cold and wet as it brushes his arm. 

“Lead the way.” he says. And with that he follows Velvet trying his best to keep pace without knocking the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :D
> 
> First day out of isolation and sooooooo glad thats over. 
> 
> Updates may slow down as I need to catch up on uni work and although the next bits written it needs a bit of work still to find a plot- really, somewhere there a plan I just haven't got to it yet it to all line up into one cohesive story ;)


	11. Reasons

Glynda paced at the foot of a bed in the medical bay. She couldn’t believe her own nelegene. Too excited with finding answers she hadn’t even stopped to consider the girl's health. It had been so long since she had worked with people without auras that she had forgotten just how fragile most people were. A mumble brought her attention back to the girl. Against the white sheets she almost disappeared except from the angry red mark that stained her cheek, the bandages around her head only helped the illusion. The doctors had reassured her that it was only a cause of severe blood loss and even suspected that at least some of her aura was returning as it was unusual to bleed that heavily and not have some internal damage. With a sigh Glynda turned her back and left.

She returned later that evening to find Blake sitting up with a book propped against her knees. Pulling up a chair she waited until Blake closed the book and turned to her.

“How are you feeling?” Glynda asked.

“Better.”

“Care to explain what happened? You were fine when I left.” Glynda said, noticing how Blakes eyes narrowed in suspicion, and silently cursing herself for her poor word choice. She hadn’t meant it as an accusation.

“I- I don’t really know. I guess I was feeling a bit light headed and must've fallen?”

“Hm... well, we’ll have to do a better job of looking after you while you're staying with me. I’ve passed the pill you gave me over to friends who can have it analyzed; I think it's best we hold off the questions until you're feeling better.” Glynda stood and pushed her chair back against the wall, “I’ll be back tomorrow, until then.” she said with a dip of her head going to leave. One foot out of the door Glynda halted at a accusing “Why?” turning back as she considered it.

“Why what? Glynda asked.

With a shrug of her shoulders Blake said, “Why bother, being nice is only costing you time and resources. You have the pill, why keep me around?”

Nodding Glynda replied her words carefully chosen, “One, there's no guarantee that we can reverse engineer the pill so your answers may still prove useful. Two, helping you recover allows us to learn of the pills' effects on aura. And three aura suppressions is just one step away from too many other things to let this go and get into the wrong hands. Does that satisfy?”

A small nod from Blake and Glynda walks out the room, thoughts only on the fourth reason- that Blake reminded her of her students.


	12. Finally talking to each other2

A few days had passed since Blakes fall and she was back living in Glynda’s spare room. Steadier on her feet and bruises fading, she spent her days leafing through books off Glynda's shelf and watching the students go by the window. Each morning they would have breakfast together and then Glynda would leave to teach making sure to leave lunch out on the side. This Blake nibbled at before hiding the majority of it around the apartment, making sure to switch out old stashes with fresh. In the evening Glynda would return and enquire about her day to which Blake would dance around the questions. It turned out that Glynda was good to her word, not asking about the pill at all, instead sharing about her own day and the latest her students had been up to.  
It wasn’t until a full week had passed that Glynda broached the subject.  
“Feeling well enough to tell me more?” she asked.

Blake considered it for a moment. Her foot no longer protested when she tried to walk, she hadn’t fainted since that first time and the bruise on her face was fading into a ugly yellow, no longer an angry red. Still reluctant to share but knowing she couldn’t put it off forever she nodded.

“Okay, where did you get the pill?”

Easy enough to answer, “From a woman at the camp.” And no risk as the camp always moved each week, little chance of them being found now.

“Do you know where she got it from, I very much doubt it was made on site.”

Shaking her head Blake said, “Don’t know.”

“Well I hadn’t thought it would be that easy. Any idea of what was in it?” Glynda asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

“No.”

“Why did you take the pill?”

“Recreational” Blake had been expecting that question and the lie rolled easily off her tongue. Still she took a sip of her own tea to hide her expression for a moment. Adam had always been able to tell when she was lying just by looking.

Glynda pursed her lips at that but continued, “When did you take it?”.

“Maybe four days before you found me. Might have been longer.” Blake said with a small shrug.

“You don’t know?” Glynda might have let the last lie go as it didn’t really matter to her but this was important. An aura suppressant was only as good as it lasted.

“I- I left camp just after taking the pill. Wasn’t really very…” Blake stumbled not sure how to put it. The way that time in the forest had crawled along with the fever until she blinked and then the moon was where the sun had been and she didn’t recognise the new cuts and bruises or where she was. Finally she settled on, “...with it. So yeah four days ish.”

“Why did you leave the white Fang camp?”

At that Blake hesitated, she hadn’t planned an answer for this. Playing for time she asked “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Context.”

“Um… it’s well... well it wasn’t exactly something they like... more than dislike.” Blake fumbled.

“I think I follow. Was that what you were arguing about when I found you? It sounded rather more heated then that.” Glunda asked.

“Yeah well, you heard what he said.” Blake waited hoping that Glynda would come to her own conclusion.

Glynda thought it over. Coward is what he had called her and something about not following it through. “You wanted out of the White Fang, I’m guessing you went on a mission and it went wrong? Or perhaps right and that was the problem. Didn’t like the blood on your hands. There's plenty a good hunters who defended villages from bandits only to fall to their own guilt after.” 

Judging from the way Blake avoided her eyes it was all too obvious the shame that she felt. Glynda was fairly certain she had guessed right although why an aura suppressant… unless without an aura Blake had been of no use to the White Fang and it had been her out? Questions for another time. Returning to safer topics Glynda asked, “How long from taking it to noticing that your Aura was gone?”

“A few hours to maybe half a day?” Blake said, her mind returning to the forest and the unmarked willow tree. She didn’t want to think about it. She had done what she had to do. Why couldn’t Glynda just let it lie in the past?

“Okay, thank you. I think that's everything for now. But I’ll have more questions tomorrow. I’m going to write this up for Ozpin. Anything you haven't mentioned yet now's the time.”

And there was so much Blake could mention but she pressed her lips firmly together. What would Glynda think if she told her the truth? Blake was sure of her reasons but doubted that Glynda would understand. Here at the academy it was easy to forget the bigger world; Blake found herself caught looking at her reflection some mornings and would peer at the fading bruises trying to remember how it felt. It wasn’t Adam's fault. When she had first met him he would never have hurt her, but the longer they fought together the more his rougher side came out. It was all the humans fault if they would just respect them as equals Adams rage wouldn’t build to breaking point. She wasn’t blameless either, there had been lots of close calls on missions due to her cowardness but still he loved her. But if even their love could be twisted how could she expect anything to be safe enough for a child? That and knowing she was a coward cemented her resolve that it had been the right choice.

Glynda got up, taking her coffee with her and disappeared into the study. Leaving Blake to wonder if the woman had believed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, sorry its a mess ;D


	13. Too much time in your own head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you’ve been ruined.”  
> -Ocean Vunong, from On the earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head up this chapter has a long ramble about negative thinking/intrusive thought

The next day Glynda received replies from both Ozpin and James, asking how the investigation was going. James in particular wanted to know what had happened on the airship still feeling salty about the whole incident. 

Blake watched Glynda disappear into the study, holding up the mask until the door shut and only then letting her face crumple, no longer able to hold up a face of indifference. In the white fang it had been easier, to return anger with anger, and to keep a mask of indifference in the face for all other emotions. But for some reason around Glynda it was harder. They had just finished eating dinner together, and it made Blake want to weep. There had been nothing very different about tonight versus any other night but just the way Glynda talked and filled the silences with stories of her day and talked of her plans for the next week. The way she had smiled sadly at Blakes short answers and gently moved the conversation on. The very kindness that she offered just felt like proof that Blake was damaged.

Painfully she stood up, her knees aching from how still she had sat and made her way to the spare room which was fast beginning to feel like hers. Collapsing into the bed Blake couldn’t shake the feeling of wrongness. She didn’t deserve this comfort, this warmth. Rolling off the bed, she dragged the duvet onto the floor. It was cold and aggravated her injuries, but it felt right. Where the mattress had been soft and smothering, the floor was hard and let her feel her own weight, grounding her.

\---------------------

You don't deserve to eat, the voice in her head said. Ignoring it Blake had breakfast. You don't deserve to live the voice said. All though the day it whispered, coming at random making Blake freeze what she was doing only to push the thought to the side and continue. You don't deserve to eat it said when midday rolled around and Blake didn’t feel hungry but she pushed those thoughts down and ate anyway, fighting to keep routine. Fighting is too strong of word, the voice wasn't strong. It had no power, it was just persistent. At times she would forget it was even there until it came out of nowhere surprising her as she put on her socks or in the middle of whatever other mundane activity. At times it helped having Glynda around and the voice would keep silent. Other times it made it worse and for every action Glynda made the voice had a retaliation. You don't deserve to eat. You don't deserve to live. It had long since stopped bothering Blake. She used to violently shout out in her head, protesting and arguing back. Yes she needed to eat to live. Who deserved to live, could anyone justify their life was there any such thing as deserving it. What made her so much worse than anyone else. If she didn’t deserve to, why did they? She couldn’t have been the only woman to choose this path. 

It didn’t help. Or if it did, not enough for Blake to notice. It was easier to just ignore it. When she was tired it was harder and at times in irritation she would agree, and ask so what? If i don't deserve to live so what. She had seen painkillers in the cupboard and had toyed with the idea of taking too many but knew she wouldn’t. It was only a voice in her head. So no matter how many times it whispered she would keep going. Ignoring it, agreeing with it, challenging it. None of it matters. It didn’t change anything. The emotions were already there, what did putting words to it matter. But to say the emotions were already there was a bit of a stretch. At times the voice sounded tired as if it didn’t care and didn’t believe in itself as if it only said anything out of routine. Other times it’s words were full venum. That was when it was harder to ignore. But what did it matter if she shouted at it in her head? No one else heard. So the voice was the voice and she co-existed.

At times it felt like the voice felt like her trying to justify her own weakness, her cowardness. If she could just be broken enough to deserve to be fixed, for the crack to show then it was worth the voice shouting. At these times she wondered if the voice was her own, if she had called it forth only as a form of self punishment. It might not be ‘The voice’ but rather her own. So she scolded it and herself together, how could she say that to herself, was it some twisted justification for running from her problems. If the voice was strong enough, intrusive enough it explained why she was such a god damn coward. The circle was never ending, cycling through reasoning, denying, agreeing, analysing and just ignoring the voice. You don’t deserve to live. Why are you here? What if you just don't eat for a few days? Just stop. You don't deserve to live.


End file.
